Marriage isn’t always smooth sailing; anyone in a long-term relationship knows that. I recently had the privilege of sitting down with Alyson Bullock, a talented Marriage and Family Therapist who has over 350,000 followers on social media.
Aly talks about how couples can better communicate, connect, and grow together. She has a knack for breaking down complex emotional dynamics into clear, practical advice, and our conversation left me with a lot to think about.
Here are three actionable insights from Alyson that every couple can start applying today to strengthen relationships:
1. Master the Art of Calm Communication
When tensions rise, telling your partner to "calm down" rarely works. A matter of fact, it often makes things worse. Alyson suggests a more intentional approach: use a soft tone, make physical contact (like placing your hands gently on your partner's arms), and directly but kindly address the issue.
For example, instead of saying, "Calm down," you could say, "Hey, I notice you're moving around a lot and seem frustrated. Can we talk about it?"
This approach reduces defensiveness and opens up space for healthier communication.
2. Schedule Regular Relationship Check-Ins
Alyson recommends setting aside time for structured relationship check-ins. Whether it’s weekly or monthly, these sessions give couples a dedicated space to address lingering issues, share thoughts, and reconnect emotionally. Having a set time reduces the pressure to resolve everything in the heat of the moment and creates a safe space for vulnerability.
If you’re unsure where to start, Alyson has a free check-in guide available here. You can also find it on her Instagram page, @Relationshipswithally. It’s a simple tool that can help you create productive, focused conversations.
3. Plan (and Prioritize) Date Nights
Date nights aren’t just a luxury, they’re essential for maintaining intimacy and connection. Alyson emphasizes the importance of taking turns planning these outings to prevent one partner from shouldering the mental load. Whether it’s trying a new activity together, cooking a meal at home, or playing a board game, the key is to be fully present with each other.
Intimacy Pro Tip: If intimacy is part of your date night plan, prioritize it early in the evening rather than leaving it as an afterthought.
Scheduling Pro Tip: Take turns owning the responsibility of planning the date night. When only one partner shoulders the mental load of the task, the other partner will not feel appreciated.
Final Thoughts
Marriage takes work, but the effort is worth it when both partners are aligned in their goals and intentional about their actions. Alyson’s advice serves as a reminder that small, consistent habits such as gentle communication, structured check-ins, and quality time together—can make a world of difference.
If you haven’t already, take one of these tips and implement it this week. Trust me, your relationship will thank you for it.
Sneak Peak
For those who want to listen to my complete interview, I embedded the episode below.
Winning ideas from experts to manage money and the home as a team. 2023 Plutus Award Finalist: Best Couples or Family Content
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