Every week on the Successful Working Parents podcast, we interview a successful working parent. After 80 episodes, some key insights and lessons have emerged that have helped me immensely in my journey as a working parent. In no particular order, here are 5 of my favorite:
1. Set boundaries at work
I was thoroughly impressed when one of my guests said she told her employer during the interview process that she was offline at 4:30 pm sharp to take care of her kids.
Most people, myself included, would be afraid that this would disqualify them, and might not say it explicitly but hope they can get away with it. But when you don’t set clear boundaries, people tend to walk all over them.
Almost all of my guests have a similar desire: They want to log in after daycare/ school drop-off, work hard until around 4 when it’s time to get their kids, then log off completely to be present with their family, and then if needed they’re happy to log back on after the kids go to bed. What are some agreements that you need to have with your employer to set you up for success?
Boundaries aren’t just privileges but mutually beneficial agreements that align both parties on a desired outcome.
2. Be okay with not being okay
Parenting is hard, work is hard, life is hard. Now you have to do all three. All of my guests are ambitious, career-driven over-achievers. Or at least they were before they became parents. A massive struggle for working parents, and especially women, is balancing career ambition with the desire to be a great parent. You simply cannot be an A+ in everything… at least not at first and at least not every day. So give yourself some grace and come to terms with the fact that you may just be delivering a B (or a C+) in your job when you need to be there for your family. And vice versa.
Accepting that you can’t crush all aspects of your life all the time gives you the freedom to experiment on what works for you, and not be so hard on yourself when things don’t work out. What aspect of your life are you striving for perfection in right now that you can let go of for a bit?
3. Over-communicate with your partner
First of all, if you are doing this without a partner, I have a massive amount of respect for you. Hopefully, you can find your tribe or village to provide some support.
For those of us lucky to have a partner on this journey, you probably need to communicate with them more than you are. Aligning each day or each week on what your schedules are and who is needed where isn’t just another annoying logistical conversation, it’s the best way to set the family up for success.
When do you have something important planned that requires your partner to step in? When can you pick up some Slack so your partner can get some self-care?
These are questions you should ask each other regularly. The more you communicate your needs, the more you can be there for each other and the less overwhelmed you will feel.
4. Give yourself permission to take the shortcuts
We know screen time isn’t ideal, and McDonald’s isn’t the healthiest option. But sometimes, you just need to get out the iPad or go to the drive-thru.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best parents possible and do everything right. There’s also so much conflicting information out there on what’s best.
Instagram influencers don’t help either.
And in a perfect world, your kids are eating wholesome, home-cooked meals. And you are present with them, looking them in the eye, and spending quality time with them. But when you’re stretched thin, late for work, and haven’t had a good night’s sleep in two weeks (or two years), the best thing you can do for everyone involved is remove a stressor and take a shortcut.
If it doesn’t become a daily habit, your kids will be fine in the long run, and they’d rather you be at your best than start snapping at them and fall apart. What’s one shortcut you can take this week that will remove a stressor for you?
5. Being a working parent is a superpower
They say if you want to get something done, give it to a busy person. I say if you want to get something done, give it to a working parent. Don’t start to compare yourself to your colleagues without kids. Being a working parent means you have to be incredibly efficient with your time.
You have no choice - there are only so many hours of daycare or school, so you find extra gear and figure out how to finish your work in less time.
Suppose you can get three kids dressed, pack lunches, get yourself ready, walk the dog, and get out the door on time. In that case, you’ll probably be productive during your working hours.
Trust that your skills as a busy parent translate into productivity as a worker. Are you being too hard on yourself, or can you tap into this working parent superpower?
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