I live in a dual-career household and know firsthand the struggle of balancing work and family life. The demands of careers, child-rearing, and household responsibilities can consume so much time and energy that couples are left with little to no quality time for each other.
Our lack of shared time can strain relationships, reducing happiness and well-being.
There are solutions. This post summarizes the research on how couples can navigate these challenges and reclaim time for each other.
Summary of Research Findings
A study conducted by Sarah M. Flood and Katie R. Genadek at the Minnesota Population Center analyzed data from the American Time Use Survey (ATUS) and explored how work and family demands affect couples' shared time and individual well-being. The study found that:
Time Spent Together
Despite work demands, dual-earner couples manage to spend a similar amount of time together on weekdays as traditional breadwinner–homemaker couples, but parents generally share less time than nonparents.
Parents with younger children, especially those under school age, spend even less time together, indicating that parenting responsibilities significantly constrain shared time.
Impact on Well-Being
Couples who spend more time together report higher levels of happiness and meaning in their lives and lower levels of stress. This is true even when controlling for the specific activities they engage in together.
The presence of a spouse during daily activities significantly enhances emotional well-being compared to when activities are done alone.
Gender Differences
The study also noted that women often report spending less time with their spouses than men do, highlighting a discrepancy that might be due to differing perceptions or actual time spent.
Given these findings, it becomes clear that creating more shared time is essential for the health of the relationship.
Below are practical steps that dual-career couples can take to overcome these constraints and live more happily together.
Practical Steps to Overcome Work and Family Constraints
1. Prioritize Quality Time Over Quantity
Given the constraints of modern life, it might be unrealistic to expect a significant increase in the amount of time couples spend together. However, the quality of the time spent together is more critical. Couples should focus on creating meaningful interactions during the time they do share.
Example: Instead of spending an entire day together, aim for a daily 30-minute routine where you engage in an activity that you both enjoy, such as cooking dinner together, going for a walk, or simply talking without distractions. This can reinforce the emotional connection and provide a sense of closeness that counters the stress of daily responsibilities.
2. Leverage Technology to Stay Connected
In today's digital age, technology can be a powerful tool to maintain a connection even when physically apart. Regular communication throughout the day can help couples feel connected and valued.
Example: Use messaging apps or video calls to check in with each other during breaks at work. A quick "thinking of you" message or sharing something interesting from your day can make a big difference in maintaining emotional intimacy.
3. Align Your Schedules Where Possible
One of the study's findings is that couples who align their schedules, particularly on weekends, tend to spend more time together. While it may not always be feasible to coordinate work hours perfectly, finding small windows where both partners are free can significantly increase shared time.
Example: If one partner has a flexible schedule, they might adjust their working hours to match the other partner’s, allowing for shared breakfast or evening routines. Alternatively, syncing up for weekend activities can maximize quality time.
4. Delegate or Outsource Household Tasks
Household responsibilities are a major time drain, often cutting into time that could be spent together. Couples can benefit from delegating or outsourcing some of these tasks to free up time for each other.
Example: Consider hiring a cleaning service for the house, or delegate specific tasks to children as they grow older. By reducing the burden of chores, couples can focus on spending more time together without the distraction of household obligations.
Related: Our Household Chores Page is full of ideas to manage the home as a team.
5. Plan Regular Date Nights
Scheduled date nights can provide couples with dedicated time to reconnect. It’s essential to protect this time as non-negotiable, regardless of other demands.
Example: Choose one night a week where you both agree to put away work and focus solely on each other. This could be a dinner out, a movie at home, or any activity that allows you to enjoy each other's company. Planning these dates in advance ensures that they are prioritized and not easily canceled.
Related: 128 Date Ideas for Married Couples
6. Be Present During Shared Activities
The research emphasizes the importance of being emotionally present during shared activities. Even if couples spend time together, the benefits are minimized if they are distracted or disengaged.
Example: When spending time with your spouse, put away your phone, turn off the TV, and focus on each other. Engaging in conversations or activities where both partners are fully present will enhance the quality of the time spent together.
7. Consider Flexible Work Arrangements
If possible, explore flexible work arrangements that allow for better work-life balance. This might include telecommuting, flexible hours, or even a temporary reduction in work hours during particularly demanding life stages (such as the early years of parenting).
Example: If one partner can work from home a few days a week, it can reduce the commute time and allow for more shared moments throughout the day. Alternatively, staggered work hours that allow one partner to manage morning routines while the other covers the evening can help balance responsibilities and increase available time together.
8. Focus on Small Daily Rituals
Small daily rituals can help maintain a connection and make each day feel special, even when time is limited.
Example: Establish a morning coffee ritual where you spend 10 minutes together before starting your day or a nightly routine where you wind down together, discussing your day and sharing any highlights. These rituals, though small, create consistent opportunities for connection.
9. Acknowledge and Appreciate Each Other’s Efforts
Lastly, regularly acknowledging and appreciating your partner's efforts in maintaining the relationship and household can go a long way. Feeling appreciated encourages both partners to continue making the relationship a priority.
Example: Take time each week to express gratitude for something your partner has done, whether it's handling a particularly stressful situation, managing a household task, or simply being supportive. This practice fosters a positive environment and reinforces the bond between partners.
Wrapping it Up
Dual-career couples face significant challenges in balancing work and family life, which can strain their relationships. However, by focusing on quality over quantity, leveraging technology, aligning schedules, and adopting other practical strategies, couples can overcome these constraints and ensure that they maintain a strong and fulfilling relationship.
Remember, it's not about the amount of time you have, but how you choose to spend it together.
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