Most husbands want to be great for their partners, which is the case in my circle of friends and family.
I often become frustrated when we are unfairly positioned as people who do not strive to be loving spouses.
What is equally frustrating is not recognizing that there are often inequities in a home in place by a series of choices couples slip into over time. Such decisions are not intentional and far from nefarious; they result from countless contributing factors.
Regarding free time, many dual-career couples like ourselves unknowingly contribute to a significant disparity.
Research from the Gender Equity Policy Institute (GEPI) highlights the persistence of the "free-time gender gap," which shows that women consistently spend more time on household tasks and child-rearing, leaving them significantly less free time than men.
For husbands in dual-career marriages, addressing this imbalance is not just about fairness—it's about strengthening the partnership and supporting the long-term well-being of both spouses.
To be clear, we should all strive for equal leisure time in our relationships.
Understanding the Free-Time Gender Gap
According to GEPI's 2024 report, women, on average, spend 2.2 times as much time as men on unpaid household work and child care. This imbalance persists across age, race, and employment status, whether couples have children or not.
Women in full-time dual-career relationships often find themselves juggling both paid work and what is sometimes called "the second shift" of household responsibilities.
One of the most striking findings in the GEPI report is that mothers who work part-time still perform nearly four times as much household work and child care as fathers in similar part-time roles. These imbalances contribute to a free-time gender gap where women have 13% less leisure time than men on average. This figure increases to 19% among parents, making it clear that parenting exacerbates the disparity.
These statistics may sound all too familiar for busy couples, where both partners are trying to maintain careers while managing home life.
However, they also present an opportunity for husbands to take the initiative and create more equitable divisions of household work. By doing so, they can help bridge the gap and ensure that both partners enjoy an equal share of leisure time.
Why It Matters
Time is a precious resource, especially for dual-career couples. When one partner consistently has less time for self-care, hobbies, or simply unwinding, it leads to long-term stress and resentment.
The GEPI report indicates that mothers, in particular, report higher levels of stress due to these imbalances, which negatively affects their mental health and overall well-being.
Addressing this imbalance is not about "helping out" but sharing responsibilities fairly. Research suggests that couples who achieve a more equal distribution of household tasks report greater relationship satisfaction and lower levels of conflict.
When husbands take the initiative to close the free-time gap, they improve their partners' quality of life and strengthen their relationships.
Steps Husbands Can Take to Close the Free-Time Gender Gap
Here are six actionable strategies that husbands can implement to ensure an equitable division of household work and create more balanced free time for both partners:
1. Address Cultural Norms
The free-time gender gap isn’t just a household issue—it’s a reflection of longstanding cultural norms that place more value on men’s careers and leisure time than on women’s. To be crystal clear, I am not taking a swipe at men. Countless traditional, structural, and cultural norms naturally nudge us to fall into this trap.
I recently had a great conversation with Equal Partners author Dr. Kate Mangino, who pointed out that we can’t expect to make meaningful changes within the home using systems or technology until we address our mindsets.
What is simple for me to see is that striving for equal leisure time is a goal that will make for a happier marriage.
2. Audit and Equalize Household Tasks
The second step toward creating more free time for your partner is understanding the current imbalance. Sit down together and list all the household tasks that must be completed each week. This includes cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, and child care. Then, review how much time each partner currently spends on these tasks.
Related: Free Household Chores List
Once you've identified the disparities, divide the responsibilities more equally. If your partner currently spends two hours a day cleaning and caring for the children while you spend one, consider taking over some of those tasks. Be mindful of each task's time commitment, including the mental load.
3. Be Proactive with Child Care
Child care is often one of the most time-consuming aspects of home life, especially for couples with young children. According to the GEPI report, mothers spend an average of 9 hours per week on child care, compared to just 4.7 hours for fathers.
Husbands should take proactive steps to close this gap and share the load. Volunteer to handle bath time, bedtime routines, or school drop-offs and pick-ups. This not only gives your partner more free time but also strengthens your relationship with your children.
4. Stop "Helping" and Start Taking Ownership
One of the most common issues in the division of household labor is that men often see their role as “helping” their partner rather than sharing responsibility. A shift in mindset is necessary to ensure long-term equity. Rather than asking, “How can I help?” look for opportunities to take ownership of recurring tasks.
For example, instead of waiting to be asked to do the laundry, take it upon yourself to manage it entirely—from washing and drying to folding and putting clothes away. When husbands take full responsibility for tasks, it removes the mental load from their partners and promotes a more equal division of labor.
Related: The Fair Play System: How It Works
5. Use Technology to Your Advantage
In today’s digital age, there are many tools and apps designed to help streamline household management. Consider using a shared calendar to track responsibilities or downloading an app like Coexist to divide tasks and set reminders. This way, both partners can stay on top of what needs to be done without one person taking on the burden of remembering everything.
Automation is another great way to reduce the time spent on mundane tasks. Robotic vacuums, meal delivery services, or even automated grocery shopping apps can significantly reduce the time spent on household chores, giving both partners more free time.
6. Establish Weekly Check-Ins
Communication is key to achieving equity at home. Set aside time each week to check in with your partner about the division of labor. Ask how they feel about the current setup, and be open to adjusting responsibilities as needed.
These check-ins also provide an opportunity to express appreciation for each other's efforts and to ensure that any emerging imbalances are addressed before they lead to resentment.
Building a More Balanced Partnership
The free-time gender gap represents a significant challenge for dual-career couples, but it also offers an opportunity for growth. Husbands who address this imbalance can create a more supportive and equitable relationship.
By auditing household responsibilities, being proactive with child care, and maintaining open communication, couples can ensure that both partners enjoy equal amounts of leisure time.
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