Financial Intimacy: Building Trust, Teamwork, and Peace of Mind
- Brian Page
- Mar 29
- 5 min read
When it comes to marriage and money, most couples know it's not just about numbers—it's about trust, communication, and understanding each other's financial fears and dreams. In my recent conversation with Adam Kol, also known as The Couples Financial Coach, we dove deep into these often-unspoken dynamics.
Adam brings a unique mix of experience as a Certified Financial Therapist, Mediator, and Attorney, and his insights are incredibly valuable for couples navigating the tricky waters of financial intimacy.
Adam's new book, Financial Intimacy for Couples: How to Achieve Clarity, Teamwork, and Peace of Mind with Your Money, is a practical guide for couples to better understand their financial relationships and build deeper trust.
Here are four key takeaways from our conversation that you can apply to your own relationship right now:
1. Financial Intimacy Starts with Honest Conversations
Being vulnerable and honest is the key to financial intimacy. It's not about having a perfect budget or making flawless financial decisions.
Start by sharing your money story
How did your family handle money when you were growing up? What financial habits or fears have you carried into your relationship?
Opening up about these experiences builds compassion and helps both partners understand where each other's financial behaviors stem from. Adam suggests asking simple but profound questions like,
"What comes to mind when you think of money?" or "How have your past experiences shaped your financial mindset?"
2. Be Honest About Yourself
One of Adam's most relatable pieces of advice was to be honest about yourself. Be honest with your partner if you feel anxiety about spending or saving. For example, if making a big purchase feels stressful, say so. If you're a natural saver and your partner is a spender (or vice versa), acknowledge it openly.
During the discussion, Adam shared a personal anecdote about feeling anxious about spending money on a simple water bottle at the gas station. I couldn't help but be reminded of my own story about buying water at the gas station with my wife.
My wife asked for water at a gas station. We pulled over, and I walked in. I used unit pricing to make my choice. My thought was that I could buy at least two liters for essentially the same price as bottled water, which has about a quarter of the amount of water, so of course, I bought the jug of water.
This would've been socially acceptable if I had a cup in the car, which I didn't, so this was the look my wife gave me.
I'm a tightwad. I often default to the math without considering the common sense that comes with buying a bottle of water instead of expecting my wife to drink out of a jug.
Here's the point. My wife knows I'm a tightwad because we openly communicate about our emotions and approach financial conversations. She gives me grace because she knows that I think differently.
3. Savers and Spenders Need to Find Common Ground
Conflicts often arise when one partner wants to save every penny, and the other finds joy in spending. Adam highlighted that both perspectives are valid, and neither is inherently right or wrong. The key is recognizing that both approaches stem from personal experiences and emotional triggers.
Instead of labeling each other as "the saver" or "the spender," try to see your financial habits as complementary strengths. Build a financial plan together that accommodates both saving and spending goals.
4. It's Okay to Start Small
Talking about money doesn't have to mean diving straight into spreadsheets and budgets. Adam recommends starting with low-pressure conversations about money mindset and childhood influences. Even a short, honest conversation can build trust and pave the way for more productive financial planning down the line.
One actionable tip Adam shared was to approach your partner and say, "I know we've been struggling to connect about money, and I'm sorry. I'm not exactly sure how to fix it, but I'm committed to figuring this out together because I know how important it is for our future."
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Final Thoughts
Financial intimacy isn't about being perfect with money—it's about being honest, patient, and willing to grow together. Adam's approach reminds us that every couple's financial journey is unique, but success starts with vulnerability and teamwork.
If you want to learn more, I highly recommend checking out Adam Kol's book, Financial Intimacy for Couples, available on Amazon. It's packed with actionable advice, heartfelt insights, and practical tools to help you and your partner build financial clarity, teamwork, and peace of mind.
Start the conversation today—because financial intimacy is about so much more than money; it's about building a stronger, healthier partnership.
Modern Husbands Podcast Episode
A Conversation with Adam Kol
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Apple.
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Spotify.
In this episode, we explore the concept of financial intimacy in relationships, emphasizing its importance for couples managing finances together. Adam discusses his book, 'Financial Intimacy for Couples', which serves as a guide for couples to achieve clarity and teamwork in their financial lives.
The discussion covers the role of personal money stories, the dynamics between savers and spenders, and the necessity of open communication to foster empathy and understanding in financial discussions. Adam provides actionable advice for couples to improve their financial conversations and strengthen their relationships.
Show Notes
00:00 Introduction
02:28 What is the name of your book, and what is it about?
04:32 What is financial intimacy?
06:05 What role does financial intimacy play in how couples talk about money?
09:09 How do you create financial intimacy in your marriage?
14:48 How do you sustain financial intimacy in your marriage?
21:55 How can savers and spenders get on the same page?
26:22 What is one piece of simple and actionable advice you want our listeners to walk away with?
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