"We have no time!"
We hear this from couples all the time. Work is demanding, but so are many of our responsibilities at home. As busy dual-career couples, we must squeeze every second of our day to be productive and intentional.
I read "Happier Hour" by Dr. Cassie Holmes to uncover the strategies that can help us manage our time effectively so that we can be our best at work and at home.
Related: Click here to read my book review of "Happier Hour."
Time poverty is especially acute for busy dual-career couples like us, making it crucial to manage time on purpose. When both partners are deep into their demanding jobs, not having enough time can seriously increase stress, cause declines in health, and lower the quality of life.
All that rushing around doesn't just make it challenging to keep your relationship strong—it can also chip away at your self-esteem and happiness, leaving you feeling constantly behind and not quite good enough.
Being deliberate about how you spend your time helps soften these blows.
In this post, I will share my favorite lessons and tips from "Happier Hour" through the lens of a busy dual-career couple with children.
The Most Important Lesson: Time is Your Greatest Resource, Not Money
According to research, focusing on your time as your primary resource, not your money, makes us happier.
For example, a team of researchers set out to understand the impact a significant pay raise at work had on employees' happiness. They tracked thousands of individuals over sixteen years, measuring their income levels and happiness.
Based on changes in these people's happiness following changes in their income, the researchers concluded that a significant raise in income does produce a significant initial life in happiness. But within four years, their happiness returns to baseline levels. The explanation derives from the hedonic adaptation, meaning we get used to new things over time.
What does make us happier is how we spend our time.
The Right Experiences Contribute to Our Happiness
We often categorize our experiences into two distinct types: the extraordinary and the ordinary.
Extraordinary experiences
Extraordinary experiences often fall into one of three exciting buckets—major life milestones like getting married or welcoming a child, once-in-a-lifetime vacations, or thrilling cultural events such as attending a concert or a pivotal sports game.
Ordinary experiences
On the flip side, our ordinary experiences, though seemingly simpler, hold their charm and significance. These include those quiet moments shared with loved ones, a spontaneous treat during a regular day, or serene encounters with nature.
Both experiences enrich our lives uniquely, reminding us of the glorious and everyday beauty.
How to shift your mindset into the moment
To appreciate our ordinary moments of happiness, we must be focused on the moment. In our past post, The Top 3 Ways Men Can Practice Mindfulness, we shared strategies for living in the moment.
Here is another strategy:
5 Tips from "Happier Hour" to Make the Most of Our Time
1. Get moving
Exercise is proven to be an effective means to increase self-esteem.
Exercise is super important for your health, and it's even more key for dual-career couples who always balance their busy work lives. Regularly fitting in some workouts helps your overall well-being, dials down stress, and boosts your feelings about your relationship.
Working out isn't just about staying in shape—it also clears your head and toughens you up emotionally, helping you handle work and personal stuff better. Plus, doing things like morning runs or weekend hikes together is an excellent way for couples to bond, chat, and support each other outside of work.
Making exercise a priority can boost your energy, lift your mood, and strengthen your connection with each other, all of which contribute to a happier and more balanced life together.
2. Practice acts of kindness
As busy dual-career couples, intentional acts of kindness—such as leaving an encouraging note, preparing a partner's favorite meal, or simply offering a listening ear after a long day—can significantly enhance emotional bonds and create a sense of partnership and appreciation.
These thoughtful moments alleviate the stress of daily routines and remind partners of their mutual respect and love, crucial for sustaining a healthy, supportive relationship amidst the chaos of competing career demands.
Bear in mind that spending time on others increases self-efficacy – but it needs to feel like you are voluntarily giving it, not that it's being demanded of you.
3. Find awe in the world
Feeling awe in the world and the people around you will help to lessen feelings of scarcity and increase feelings of plenty.
Actively seeking experiences that inspire awe starts with a mindset shift from moving fast and feeling productive to slowing down and taking in moments of marvel—such as a sunset, experiencing art, or witnessing the quiet majesty of nature—which can dramatically shift perspective and elevate mood.
Making time and mind space to capture moments of wonder breaks the monotony of daily routines and fosters a sense of connection to something larger than oneself. This can be especially grounding for couples navigating the complexities of a dual-career lifestyle.
4. Choose your activities wisely
The activities that involve spending time with loved ones tend to be our happiest. The activities that make us least happy are activities that thwart any of the three basic drives of the following:
Relatedness - feeling interpersonally connected
Autonomy - feeling personal control
Competence - feeling capable
On average, the happiest ways to spend time are socializing with family and friends and getting outside in nature.
Investing in our close relationships is the time that proves to be the best spent. The quality of the connection during social time is what makes it a good investment in our happiness.
5. Make the most of your work commute
Listen to audiobooks
Listen to podcasts
Learn a foreign language
Call and catch up with your parents, grown children or friends
Quick happiness tip: fully disconnect and treat your weekend like a vacation.
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