Many Couples Fight or are Stressed About Money
Money is a top stressor for many married couples. In fact, financial disagreements are one of the leading causes of divorce. Studies show that nearly 70% of married couples argue about money, often more than any other topic. Just over 1 in 3 married couples report that money is a significant source of stress in their relationship.
It's clear that money matters can create a lot of tension in relationships. But why?
Why Most Married Couples Fight About Money
There are several predominant reasons married couples fight about money.
Money is deeply tied to our values and priorities
When couples have different financial goals or spending habits, it can lead to conflicts. For example, one partner might prioritize saving for the future, while the other prefers to enjoy the present by spending on experiences or items.
When couples are financial opposites
Problems can arise when one spouse is a tightwad, someone who hates spending money, and the other a spendthrift, someone who spends money in an extravagant, irresponsible way.
You are not financially healthy
Poor financial health, sometimes referred to as your financial well-being, can lead to chronic stress, which negatively impacts mental and physical well-being, increasing the risk of anxiety and depression.
Do you and your spouse have trouble paying your expenses, saving for your future, or managing the cost of emergencies? Do you have significant debt burdens such as student loans or credit card debt? Not only do these financial issues affect your well-being, but they affect your relationship.
You can measure and score your financial well-being for free using this CFPB interactive.
The lack of a sound money management system
Systems should be put in place to curb the friction that can naturally occur when two different people are spending money, otherwise, financial infidelity can take root. Financial infidelity is when one spouse intentionally lies or deceives the other about their financial decisions. Research has shown that 16% of divorce couples couples blame financial infidelity for the breakup.
Financial stress can exacerbate other underlying issues
Marital issues unrelated to money can appear to be about money when financial discussions become a proxy for deeper, unresolved conflicts. For instance, disagreements about spending can mask underlying issues of control, trust, or differing values and priorities.
The stress from these unrelated marital problems can spill over into financial discussions, making money a convenient battleground for expressing broader frustrations and dissatisfaction.
Financial education varies widely
Some people grow up learning how to manage money effectively, while others do not. This disparity can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts about how to handle finances as a team.
Comparing Disagreement to Fights About Money
It's important to recognize the difference between disagreeing about money and fighting about money. Disagreements are natural and can be healthy when handled constructively.
When you disagree, you're expressing different viewpoints and working together to find a compromise. This involves listening to each other's perspectives, respecting each other's values, and finding a middle ground that works for both partners.
Fighting about money, on the other hand, often involves blame, defensiveness, and a lack of resolution. It can lead to resentment and erode trust over time. The goal is to shift from fighting to having productive disagreements where both partners feel heard and respected.
The Action Plan for Married Couples to Not Fight About Money
Here are some steps you can take to avoid fighting about money with your spouse.
Open Communication
Schedule regular money dates to discuss your financial situation, goals, and any concerns. Make sure these conversations are judgment-free zones where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts.
Set Joint Financial Goals
Work together to set short-term and long-term financial goals. Having a shared vision can help align your spending and saving habits.
Pro Tip: Start the conversation by using a lottery ticket as a prompt. Share with one another what you would want to do if you won the lottery. Transition the conversation into how to establish financial goals to reach achievable dreams.
Create a Budget Together
Develop a budget that reflects both partners' priorities and agree on spending limits. Review and adjust the budget regularly.
Related: How to Budget as a Couple
Divide Financial Responsibilities
Assign financial tasks based on each partner's strengths and preferences. For example, one partner might handle bill payments while the other manages investments.
Pro Tip: It’s okay if one partner manages the money, as long as the other partner has access to all of their financial information and an equal voice in how the money is being spent and saved.
Seek Professional Help
If money conflicts persist, consider consulting a financial advisor or a couples therapist who specializes in financial issues. Click here to find a financial therapist.
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