"Ugh, I wish I had NOT saved for this emergency or last summer's vacation. I always end up regretting it when I save money."
You read that right, and you're likely befuddled because most people don't say or feel that way —and for good reason. It makes no sense.
Hope Page and I have faced an onslaught of unexpected expenses to end the year. Between issues in our home and one of our cars, it's been every bit of $10,000. It's not fun, but we saved for it. Other than modest fallout from my brief pouting, it has not strained our marriage.
Money is a leading cause of stress in marriage, so many couples make it a New Year's Resolution to save.
I wrote this for couples who want to transform themselves into better savers.
Here are three simple evidence-based tricks you can use:
1. Schedule Regular Money Dates
Money dates are established times to meet as a couple to stay on the same financial page. Meet in a space that allows your emotions to be low so your cognition can be high. There should be no interruptions or distractions.
What is most important is how you communicate and address each other's feelings. Frankly, I see Aly as a treasure trove of insight for a marriage.
When establishing a savings goal as a couple, you must show yourself and your partner grace and empathy. One of you is likely to overspend occasionally; be understanding and forgiving.
Saving is not a straight line. When life gets in the way of your savings goals, give yourself permission to validate your feelings of frustration and then refocus.
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2. Establish a Shared Savings Goal
Establish a shared savings goal for your money date. You can't move forward together when you're moving in different directions. Your priority must be your shared passion for a common goal.
Prioritize emergency savings, ensuring you have 3-6 months set aside to deal with the frustrations and emergencies life brings our way.
If you have enough to manage emergencies, establish a savings goal that will boost your relationship. I must caution you against defaulting into buying "stuff." An abundance of research has found that in the long run, possessions do not make us happier and often strain the marriage. Instead, consider outsourcing household tasks to buy more time with one another or take a dream vacation.
3. Put Savings Systems in Place
Our minds are hardwired to gather (spend) and to do so impulsively. The trick is manipulating your financial environment to make spending harder and saving easier. Below are some examples.
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