I recently interviewed Justin and Haley Brown-Woods in an Instagram Live. Justin and Haley are a debt recovery success story and the co-owners of The Price of Avocado Toast, a financial coaching company and wildly popular podcast.
Justin brought up a debt recovery strategy that was new to me which I loved as an option for married couples: Tackle the debt you hate the most.
Debt is a common issue that many couples face, but it doesn't have to be a source of constant stress in your marriage. The way you and your partner approach debt can either bring you closer together or drive a wedge between you.
While there are several strategies to reduce debt, one effective approach for married couples is to focus on eliminating the debt you hate the most. Tackling the debt you hate the most prioritizes not just financial relief but also the health of your relationship by addressing the emotional burden that debt can create.
In this post, I’ll discuss how to implement this method, why it works, and how it can transform your marriage and finances.
Step 1: List All of Your Debts
The first step in tackling your debt together is to get everything out in the open. Sit down with your spouse, gather all your financial documents, and list every single debt you owe. This includes credit card balances, student loans, car loans, mortgages, medical bills, and any other outstanding debt.
Make sure to include the following for each debt:
The total amount owed
The interest rate
The monthly payment
The remaining term (how many payments are left)
The origin of the debt (why it was incurred)
This might feel overwhelming at first, but it’s important to understand the full picture so that you can create a plan that works for both of you. Transparency is key here. Keeping secrets about debt can damage trust, so aim for full honesty during this step.
Step 2: Label Your Debts
Now that you’ve listed all your debts, it’s time to label them. But instead of labeling them based solely on interest rates or balances, focus on the emotional impact of each debt. Here are some questions to consider as you and your spouse categorize your debts:
Which debts are causing the most stress or arguments?
Is there a particular debt that sparks heated conversations or tension between you two? Maybe it’s a high-interest credit card that you can’t seem to make a dent in or a car loan that feels like it’s draining your monthly budget.
Which debts are tied to negative memories or experiences?
Some debts are more than just numbers—they’re connected to past mistakes, painful periods of life, or financial decisions you wish you could undo. For example, you might be paying off a loan from a failed business venture or a credit card you maxed out during a rough patch.
Which debts are you emotionally ready to eliminate?
There might be a particular debt that feels like an emotional weight. Maybe it’s an old medical bill that reminds you of a difficult time in your life or a personal loan from a family member that you’d rather not have hanging over your head.
As you label your debts, pay close attention to how each one makes you and your spouse feel. The goal here is to prioritize the debts that are causing the most emotional strain on your marriage—not necessarily the debts with the highest interest rates or balances.
Step 3: Eliminate the Debt You Hate the Most
Once you’ve labeled your debts, the next step is to tackle the one that causes the most stress or negative emotions first. This is the debt you hate the most.
Here’s why this approach can be so powerful:
It reduces tension in your marriage
Money problems are one of the leading causes of stress in relationships. By targeting the debt that causes the most arguments or frustration, you’re not just improving your financial situation—you’re also improving the emotional well-being of your marriage. Imagine the relief you’ll feel when that debt no longer hangs over your heads.
It helps you move past negative experiences
Certain debts can be a constant reminder of past mistakes or tough times. Paying off those debts can be a symbolic act of closure, helping you and your spouse move forward. It’s not just about financial freedom—it’s about emotional freedom as well.
It provides motivation to continue
Paying off debt is often a long, slow process. By eliminating the debt you hate the most first, you’ll experience a significant emotional win early on, which can motivate you to stick with your plan. It’s easier to stay committed to debt reduction when you can see and feel the positive impact on your life and marriage.
Realigning Your Priorities: The Marriage Comes First
The primary goal of this strategy is to put your marriage first. Too often, couples approach debt reduction with a strictly financial mindset, focusing on what makes the most sense on paper. While this can work for some, it’s important to remember that marriage is an emotional partnership as much as it is a financial one.
Here’s how prioritizing your marriage can help you succeed in debt reduction:
It fosters teamwork
Tackling debt together can strengthen your bond as a couple. By prioritizing the emotional health of your relationship, you’re reinforcing the idea that you’re in this together. You’re not just solving a financial problem—you’re improving your relationship and building trust.
It builds emotional resilience
Paying off the debt that causes the most stress or negative emotions can provide a significant sense of relief, both individually and as a couple. When you experience that emotional victory together, it can make other financial challenges seem more manageable.
It aligns your goals
When you prioritize the emotional well-being of your marriage over strict financial logic, you’re aligning your goals as a couple. This can prevent feelings of resentment or frustration that might arise if one partner feels like their emotional needs are being ignored in favor of financial efficiency.
Additional Tips for Reducing Debt Together
While focusing on the debt you hate the most is a powerful strategy, there are a few additional tips to keep in mind as you work toward eliminating your debts:
Create a budget together
A well-structured budget is essential for managing your finances and staying on track with debt repayment. Work together to create a budget that allows you to pay off debt while still meeting your other financial obligations and goals.
Celebrate small wins
Debt reduction is a long-term process, so it’s important to celebrate milestones along the way. When you pay off a debt—or even make significant progress—take the time to acknowledge your accomplishment as a couple. This could be as simple as a nice dinner at home or a small splurge that fits within your budget.
Keep communication open
Financial stress can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt or frustration. Make sure to keep the lines of communication open with your spouse throughout the debt reduction process. If something isn’t working or if one of you is feeling overwhelmed, talk about it and adjust your plan as needed.
Wrapping it Up
Reducing debt in marriage isn’t just about numbers—it’s about relieving the emotional strain that debt can create. By tackling the debt you hate the most first, you’re not only improving your financial situation but also prioritizing the health and well-being of your marriage. Together, you can eliminate the debts that cause the most stress, move past negative experiences, and build a stronger financial future as a team.
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